+++ title = 'solid poop bit' date = 2024-02-15T10:00:00-07:00 draft = false tags = ['brown','green'] +++ anyone ever fall asleep while you poop? i mean not mid coil, but in that aftercare area, where you're like 90% sure what needs to come out is out... but you haven't wiped yet, you're giving giving things a little buffer before you get ta cleanup duty. hmm Duty anyway I call those magic moments the poop window nap time twilight zone because it's flexible... meaning you still got dat poop plausable denialability.. and that goes a little something like this you just disappeared fromo work for like 30 minutes, doing whatever in my case... drugs and walking bak to your office, your boss who is a TOTAL BITCH gets in your face talkin mess about WHERE WERE YOU!? Just say really loud I WAS POOPING! That will always end it, there won't be any follow up questions from Susan... and if they is, your next 30 minute pit stop should be HR cause Susan ain't just a bitch, she's a psyhopath... listen I hate to be THAT GUY but Susan has what I can only describe as an unhealthy obsession with my pooping, what do you think HR PERSON should Susan be asking me about my poop? I feel like even one time, is too many let alone multiple times in a week.. this is how much a BITCH SUSAN IS the next day during our meeting she was like 'ok we are implementing a hall pass system, just put a sticky note on your computer so I know where everyone is and she staring right at me when she said it... so i said implement this dick! And then I wrote SHIT on my sticky note and went to WORK for like an hour.. and when I came back to my desk I gave her one of those *I'm watching you!* Hand motions to assert my dominance. And she's like barely 5 feet tall in heels, I could beat her up, easily.. And I don't like to get so aggressive in the office place but wherever you go, there you are! And btw for some context I used to be WASTED at work, every day, i'd show up bloto talkin bout who took my stapler! What? No.. I told you yesterday you don't have one.. what are you trying to staple anyway?? You're in sales, get on the phone and shut them down ice box! That's what they called me cause I was cold on the phones boy.. with that drunk confidence.. i was like a fuckin drunk shark! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU GOTTA ASK YOUR WIFE?! ASK YOUR WIFE WHERE YOUR NUT SACK IS! I was stacks makin that GO AWAY MONEY, just here's my credit card please stop calling Phone sales is weird yo, I cold call cause Imma a cold mother fucker, people be like that sounds hard. I'm like you know what's hard? MY DICK FROM ALL THIS PAPER I'M BE STAPLIN' There's something really magical about phone calls, you'd think people would hang up on you a lot... and that happens but not nearly as much as it should happen. People are really adverse to any kind of confrontation so once you have the on the phone they wont hang up even if they want to, even though that will end the confrontation they are so afraid of happening. Language is basically mind control if you thinka bout it, which you are right now, which prove my mind control point! Ok so of all the millions of species that evolved on earth, we are the only ones that have this, so aliens probably use some form of direct telepathy coms or body language or something not vibrational, and they don't come here because it's like "hey man if you make a stop in the milky way, don't visit Earth, me and Rob did and dude one of them fukin monkies opened their mouths and his head fuckin blew the fuck up...DBZ is not a cartoon, that's a documentary ! They can turn into really BIG MONKEY'S I watched another documentary on it called KING KONG, they are crazy bananas. If you go stay in the ocean, they can't go there, and if even if one does, the water like negates their mind control? Because of air? Idk it's all mumbo jumbo but this dolphin as like yah they die real quickly down here, like some will do a lil flip, that's just ta scope things out, and see what they are up to... that's probably why I fell asleep a lot in the poop window now that I think about it.. where were you?? anyway we need to as a society normalize the poop window nap as a valid excuse for being late to stuff. For chronically late people like who also like to poop and nap this would really get us over a lotta humps... And listen it can't just be me sayin it, believe one guy saying that is a weirdo but like a few guys, one girl and people will get the memo real quick like yeah I have something i'd like to add to the meeting today, can we stop with the poop window nap zone talk? Can we just issue a blanket poop window nap credit system kinda like time off points you acrue because I can't keep having this discussion everyday. when it was just T, I expect that from him he's fuckin' drunk all the time and always telling people to call him 'icebox' I put my foot down like yo I am not calling you ICE BOX stop saying that! btw imma put my friend John on blast right quick, growing up me and my friends would rap, because we're fuckin cool and you're not..> Anyway at first he was like just call me ice box... I was like no, you got that from little giants you homo.. and he'd be like say something crazy on the mic, like whut idk like CENTIDEDES! and I did, and it became a thing so a thousand years from now we gave some alien hive mind a word virus and it's short circuiting, like MAYDAY MAYDAY DEM DAMN MOON MONKIES PUT US ON SKATES, CENTIPEDE IS THE SQUADRON?? WTF IS A CENTIPEDE!!! HELP ARRGHGHGH but it's turnt into a got damned movement! THE POOP WINDOW NAP EXCUSE WILL NOT BE TELEVISED BECAUSE POOP IS GROSS WTF... let me un-pack the poop window nap zone right quick A lotta AI talk these days, a lotta CHATTER, a lotta locker room talk about grabbing robot's pussies! Remember that chestnut, lockerroom talk...? 1st off I spend as little time as possible in locker room's im in and out, like in high school when i played football, we'd wear bathing suits and it was a carwash pretty much. And this is how different things were only 25 years ago, the coaches made fun of us, they called us gay... I'm not kidding they were basically like look at these faggots not taking showers together. no chats no discussions defintely no TALKS going to Donald's Trump's Sexual Abuse Ted Talk sounds like that's not a locker room?, that's a truckstop and your about to get a bj from a meth addict named STeve, he's got an EX wife, a mortgage and a hole he needs fillin and your number just got called homie